Dating guide
What to say instead of “hi” on dating apps
If you're wondering what to say instead of hi on dating apps, here's the short answer: send one line that gives the other person something to react to. A detail you noticed, a playful choice, an opinion, a tiny story. “Hi” alone asks them to do all the work; a real opener does the work for both of you.
You can still say hi. Just don't stop there. Below you'll find why the lone “hi” fails so often, a three-second way to upgrade it, and 70 alternatives sorted by style, so you can pick the ones that sound like you.
Why “hi” dies on dating apps
A lone “hi” feels polite and safe to send. On the other side of the screen, it lands very differently. Here's what's really going on:
It hands over all the effort
The person who receives “hi” has to invent a topic, a tone and a first question. That's a lot to ask of someone who was just scrolling on the bus. Most people postpone it, and postponed messages rarely get answered.
It carries no signal of interest
“Hi” could have been sent to anyone. It doesn't say “I noticed you”. Without that signal, there's no reason to reply to it instead of the ten other messages waiting.
It offers no hook
A good conversation needs something to grab: a question, a joke, a detail. “Hi” is smooth on every side. There's nowhere to hold on.
It sets a flat tone
First messages set the energy of everything after. Start with nothing and the chat tends to stay polite and empty: “hi”, “hey, how are you”, “good, you?”, and then silence.
“Hi” vs a real opener
| Just “hi” | A real opener |
|---|---|
| Could be sent to anyone | Only makes sense for this person |
| Asks them to invent the topic | Brings the topic with it |
| Says nothing about you | Shows a bit of your humor or curiosity |
| Easy to postpone forever | Easy to answer in ten seconds |
| Leads to “hey, how are you?” | Leads to a story or a playful debate |
Upgrade any “hi” in three seconds
You don't need to be witty. You need a detail and a question.
- 01
Keep the hi if you like it
Greetings are friendly. “Hi Sam!” is a perfectly good start, as long as something follows it in the same message.
- 02
Add one specific detail
Something from their photos or words: the dog, the mountain, the book, the prompt answer. It proves you looked.
- 03
End with an easy question
A choice, an opinion or a small story. “Hi Sam! Is that dog as dramatic as he looks?” takes three seconds to write and ten to answer.
“Hi” plus a detail: the easiest upgrade
Keep your greeting and attach one observation. Replace the details with what you actually see.
- Hi! Your dog looks like the real star of your profile. What's his name?
- Hey! Is that photo from a real hike or a very convincing backdrop?
- Hi! You look way too happy in that food photo. What were you eating?
- Hey there, fellow early riser. What gets you out of bed?
- Hi! I see you're into climbing. Indoor, outdoor, or both?
- Hey! Your bookshelf in photo three is impressive. Which one would you lend me first?
- Hi! That beach looks unreal. Somewhere you go often?
- Hey! You said you love cooking. What's your signature dish?
- Hi! I have to know the story behind the hat.
- Hey! Fellow coffee lover here. How do you take it?
- Hi! Your travel photos are making me jealous. Where was your favorite?
- Hey! Is that your artwork on the wall? It's great.
This-or-that openers
Two options, zero pressure. They're the fastest messages to answer, and the explanations are where the fun starts.
- Quick one: mountains or ocean?
- Sunrise or sunset person?
- Road trip playlist or podcast?
- Pancakes or waffles, and please justify your answer.
- Book first or movie first?
- Big party or small dinner with friends?
- Would you rather cook together or be cooked for?
- Camping under the stars or a cozy cabin with wifi?
- Cats, dogs, or “I'd adopt both”?
- Spontaneous weekend trip or a perfectly planned one?
- Early dinner or late-night snacks?
- Rainy day in or sunny day out?
Opinion and hot-take openers
People love to share opinions, especially harmless ones. A light debate creates instant back-and-forth.
- Settle this: is a hot dog a sandwich?
- What's an overrated food that everyone pretends to love?
- Controversial question: is it okay to recline your seat on a plane?
- What's a movie everyone loves that you just don't get?
- Is it rude to text “k”? I need an honest opinion.
- What's the most underrated season of the year?
- Does pineapple belong on pizza? Your answer will be judged lovingly.
- Best breakfast food of all time. Go.
- What's a small habit that instantly tells you someone is a good person?
- Should socks be matching, or is that too much to ask of life?
Share-first openers
Give a little before you ask. A tiny confession makes the other person feel safe to answer.
- I just burned toast for the second time today. What's your kitchen crime?
- I've listened to the same song 14 times this week. What's yours on repeat?
- Confession: I'm terrible at first messages. What's the best one you've ever received?
- I'm planning a trip and can't decide between two places. Help me choose?
- I just finished a book that wrecked me emotionally. Read anything good lately?
- Today I tried to be a morning runner and lasted eight minutes. How was your day?
- I spent my Sunday reorganizing my plants. Tell me something more exciting.
- I'm on a quest for the best coffee in town. Any leads?
Openers that ask for a recommendation
Asking for advice is flattering and easy to answer. It also tells you about their taste right away.
- I need a new show to watch. What would you recommend to a stranger?
- What's a book you think everyone should read?
- Give me your best comfort-food recommendation.
- What's one album you'd take to a desert island?
- What's a place you'd send a friend visiting for the first time?
- I'm looking for a new hobby. What's yours, and should I steal it?
- What's a podcast that's actually worth the time?
- Recommend me a song that feels like your week.
- What's the best thing you've bought for under a lunch's worth of money?
- Best way to spend a free Saturday? I'm taking notes.
Playful and a little flirty (still classy)
A touch of mischief is fine. Keep it about personality, not bodies, and make it easy to laugh off.
- I was going to say hi, but that felt like a missed opportunity. So: what's your idea of a perfect date?
- You seem like someone with great stories. Tell me your best one in three words.
- On a scale from one to ten, how good are you at choosing restaurants? Asking for future reasons.
- Your smile in that photo is unfair. What were you laughing at?
- I'm told I give great recommendations. Test me: what are you in the mood for?
- Two truths and a lie about you. I promise to guess badly.
- You look like you'd win at board games. Should I be worried?
- Important: are you a dessert-sharer or a dessert-protector?
- I think we'd argue about pizza toppings and enjoy it. Prove me wrong.
- What's the most spontaneous thing you'd say yes to this weekend?
Someone sent you just “hi”? How to rescue it
You can turn their “hi” into a real conversation by adding the hook yourself.
- Hi! Glad you said hello. Tell me: what's been the best part of your week?
- Hey! Since we're starting fresh: beach or mountains?
- Hi back! I'm curious, what made you stop at my profile?
- Hey! Let's skip “how are you” and go straight to: what are you excited about lately?
- Hi! Quick question to get us going: coffee or tea?
- Hello! I'm terrible at small talk, so here's a real question: what's your perfect Sunday?
- Hey! Your turn to pick: a fun question or a deep one?
- Hi! What are you up to tonight: something fun or something cozy?
Pick your style
The best alternative to “hi” is the one that sounds like you. Four styles that work:
The curious one
You notice details and ask about them. Great for anyone who enjoys listening. Lean on “hi plus a detail” and recommendation openers.
The playful one
You like a light debate. This-or-that and hot-take openers are your home. Keep the tone teasing but kind, never mocking.
The shy one
Short, warm and simple is enough. A share-first opener lowers the pressure for both of you. There's more support in our guide to dating for shy people.
The direct one
You'd rather get to the point. Go for a real question from the start, like “What does a perfect Sunday look like for you?”. Honest and respectful beats clever.
What not to send instead of “hi”
Replacing “hi” with something worse doesn't help. Avoid these:
- “How are you?” on its own. It's “hi” with extra steps.
- “WYD?” to a stranger. It's vague and easy to ignore.
- Copy-pasted pickup lines. They're recognizable at a glance.
- Comments about someone's body. Compliment a choice or a vibe instead.
- Backhanded compliments or teasing that stings. Playful should never mean unkind.
- A paragraph-long introduction. Save the life story for the date.
An app where “hi” doesn't exist
In Naughty Singles, first contact isn't a message. It's 10 statements about you, like these, that the other person answers with ME TOO, DON'T CARE or NOT ME.
LIGHTI'd rather have a date at a dog park than at a bar.
LIGHTA Friday at home with a good series is a perfect plan.
LIGHTI'd take an improvised trip over a rigid itinerary any day.
SPICYI'm not into scripted flirting or lines from a manual.
How Naughty Singles replaced “hi” with something better
Naughty Singles started from the same frustration this page is about: connections that begin with an empty “hi” and end two messages later. So the app removed the empty first message altogether.
The like doesn't exist either. Your first contact is 10 of your own statements (5 LIGHT, 3 SPICY, 1 HOT, 1 EXTREME, only from levels the other person plays), sent with your photo. They answer with ME TOO, DON'T CARE or NOT ME, and answering is the match. Before a single word is typed, you both already know something real. Silence isn't a verdict here; nobody collects rejections, which is the whole idea behind dating without the fear of rejection.
After the match, the In Sync chat keeps it playful: pick a question, answer it, and your match answers blind before you reveal together. Free chat opens once your shared sync is complete. It's dating without small talk by design. Naughty Singles launches in English, Spanish and Portuguese at the same time, first on Android (iPhone comes later), and you can pre-register for early access.
Frequently asked questions
What should I say instead of hi on a dating app?
Send one line the other person can react to: a detail from their profile turned into a question, a this-or-that choice, a light opinion or a tiny story about your day. For example, “Hi! Is your dog as dramatic as he looks?”. You can keep the greeting; just make sure something with a hook follows it in the same message.
Why do people not reply to “hi”?
Because “hi” gives them all the work. They have to invent a topic, a tone and a question, and there's no sign you noticed anything specific about them. Faced with many messages, people answer the ones that are easiest and most fun to reply to. A lone “hi” is easy to postpone, and postponed messages are often forgotten.
Is it bad to just say hey on a dating app?
It's not rude, just ineffective. “Hey” on its own rarely starts a real conversation because it offers nothing to respond to. Add a short question or observation in the same message and your chances of a reply improve a lot. Something simple like “Hey! Mountains or ocean?” is already far better.
How do you respond when someone only says hi?
Say hi back and add the hook yourself. Ask an easy, fun question, like “Hi! Let's skip the small talk: what's your perfect Sunday?”. That gives the conversation somewhere to go without making the other person feel judged for a simple opener. If they engage, you're off to a good start.
What is a good first message that isn't cheesy?
Keep it specific, short and curious. Mention something real from their profile and ask about it, or share a small detail of your day and ask about theirs. Avoid pickup lines and comments about looks. Sincere curiosity with a touch of humor almost never reads as cheesy.
Should my first message be a question?
Usually, yes. Ending with an easy question gives the other person a clear, low-effort way to reply. Choice questions, opinions and requests for a recommendation work best. Avoid huge open questions like “Tell me about yourself”, which feel like homework instead of an invitation.
