Know your non-negotiables
A dating app with deal breakers that respects your limits
Most apps let you filter by things that don't really decide a relationship. Naughty Singles is a dating app with deal breakers built into the compatibility itself. While you play cards about your life, some of them let you mark a topic as non-negotiable or say “I can live with it.” If you marked something non-negotiable and, once you've both answered enough, someone is far from you on it, that person doesn't appear in your top. Their own non-negotiables filter their top the same way. No awkward conversation required.
Everything else feeds your compatibility profile normally. So you get firm limits where they matter and flexibility everywhere else — which is roughly what a healthy relationship looks like, too.
The problem with deal breakers on the usual apps
On apps built around swiping faces, “deal breakers” usually means a filter for height, age or a checkbox about smoking. Useful, maybe, but shallow. The things that really end relationships — wanting kids or not, how you handle money, what you owe your family, how you live day to day — rarely have a filter, and they rarely come up before you're already invested.
So people improvise. They write lists in their bios (“no smokers, no drama, must love dogs”) that read as defensive and scare off the very people who'd have agreed. Or they say nothing and hope it comes up naturally, which it often does, three months too late.
Clear deal breakers shouldn't require either strategy. They should work quietly in the background, and they should apply in both directions.
How deal breakers work on Naughty Singles
It's simple, but a few details make it fair. Here's the full picture.
- 01
You answer a card
Every card is a first-person statement, answered with ME TOO, DON'T CARE or NOT ME. Each one measures a single category, like family, drinking and smoking, or beliefs.
- 02
Sometimes, the card asks how much it matters
From time to time you can mark that topic as non-negotiable, or say “I can live with it.” It's not on every card, so the marks stay meaningful.
- 03
The algorithm waits for enough signal
One answer isn't a personality. A non-negotiable acts as a gate only when both people have answered enough in that area to be sure where they stand.
- 04
Far apart on your non-negotiable? They're out of your top
If you marked something as non-negotiable and the other person is far from you on it, they won't appear in your top. Their non-negotiables do the same for their top, quietly.
- 05
Everything else weighs normally
All the other answers shape your compatibility percentage, category by category. Some differences lower it; “I can live with it” tells the algorithm a difference there is one you can accept.
Gate, not filter: what makes this different
It works from each side
Each person's deal breakers gate their own top. The other person doesn't need to have marked the topic too: if you marked it and they're far from you, they stay out of your top, and the same goes for their marks and their top.
It's based on answers, not labels
There's no “smoker” tag or “wants kids” badge. The gate uses what each person said through the cards, which captures nuance a checkbox never could.
It's invisible
Nobody gets a message saying they were excluded. There's no rejection to collect. People who are far from you on what you hold firm simply never show up in your top.
It leaves room for flexibility
“I can live with it” is just as important as non-negotiable. It keeps compatible people in your top even when you differ on something you don't need to share.
Cards people often mark as non-negotiable
The first four are from the app. The last two are in the style of the cards. What's non-negotiable for you might be a “can live with it” for someone else, and that's the point.
LIGHTTaking care of my parents when they're older is non-negotiable.
LIGHTBeing an aunt or uncle at heart is enough; I don't need to be a parent.
LIGHTI couldn't live in a home where animals aren't allowed.
LIGHTI don't trade my principles to please anyone.
LIGHTI could never share a home with someone who smokes indoors.
LIGHTI'd rather hear a hard truth than a comfortable lie.
How to choose your deal breakers wisely
Deal breakers are powerful, so use them like a good editor: sparingly. A few thoughtful ones protect you; too many turn your top into an empty room. Here's a simple way to decide.
- Ask the two-year question. Would you end a happy two-year relationship over this? If yes, it's probably a real deal breaker. If not, it's a preference.
- Separate values from tastes. Wanting kids, how you treat money and your core principles are values. Music, food and hobbies are usually tastes. Our guide to relationship deal breakers lists the common ones.
- Be honest, even when it's unpopular. A non-negotiable only works if it's true. If you're childfree and sure of it, say so; you'll save everyone time. See our page on childfree dating.
- Use “I can live with it” generously. Most of what makes people different is also what makes them interesting.
- Watch for red flags that no card can catch. Deal breakers handle stated differences. Behavior still matters on a date, so keep an eye on green flags and red flags.
Deal breakers and shared values
Deal breakers are the sharp edge of a broader idea: meeting people who share what matters to you. If that's your focus, you'll like our page on how to find someone with the same values, and the relationship values test is a quick way to see which of your priorities are truly non-negotiable. And when you're ready to reach out, your first contact can include the statements you feel most strongly about.
Frequently asked questions
Is there a dating app where you can set deal breakers?
Yes. On Naughty Singles, some compatibility cards let you mark a topic as non-negotiable or say “I can live with it.” When you marked a topic non-negotiable, you've both answered enough, and someone is far from you on it, that person doesn't appear in your top. It works the same way in the other direction with their non-negotiables, quietly, without anyone being told they were excluded.
What's the difference between a deal breaker and a filter?
A filter excludes people by a label. On Naughty Singles, a deal breaker is a gate based on answers: if you marked the topic as non-negotiable and someone's answers put them far from you, they stay out of your top, whether or not they marked it too. It's nuanced, that category weighs double in your score, and everything else still counts normally toward your compatibility.
How many deal breakers should I have?
Fewer than you think. A handful of real ones, usually about kids, core values, money and daily habits you can't share a home without, is enough. Too many will leave your top nearly empty. A good test: would you end a happy two-year relationship over it? If not, it's a preference.
What does “I can live with it” do?
It tells the algorithm that a difference on that topic is one you can accept. That keeps otherwise compatible people in your top, even when you don't see eye to eye on something that isn't essential to you. It's the flexible counterpart to non-negotiable, and it matters just as much.
Will someone know I excluded them?
No. There's no notification, no rejection and no list of who was left out. If you marked a topic non-negotiable and someone is far from you on it, that person simply won't appear in your top. Nobody collects rejections on Naughty Singles, and that includes this.
